#66: I Don't Care

05/19/19

I've been trying. Nothing has happened. There's no leads anywhere. There's no clues anywhere. And it's fucking dumb. Chameleon has wasted my time with weird images before, orchestrated a whole puzzle with my life, and perpetually played the antagonist in this story about me and my friends. Then he sets up a great puzzle for this ARG, even links to a countdown called “ali test” AND THERE'S NOT A SINGLE FUCKING CLUE OR LEAD OR WAY FOR ME TO HELP HER! THIS ISN'T VERY INTERACTIVE CHAMELEON! Seriously! Why doesn't he just kill Ali or something? Do to her what you did to Casey because I know it was you who murdered her. Mammoth too probably, but I really don't give a shitabout him.

The cops finally got involved. Now that a few days have passed  without seeing her, Jae is all concerned about rent money and can't contact her. So she finally had the police come and they talked to me. Honestly it was kind of a nerve-wracking experience trying to trace back the memories that weren't from my previous life. After stammering my way through what felt like an interrogation, I'm pretty sure they had their suspicions about me. Then again, I reflect now, they're just NPCs in this game. I have certain freedoms as I saw with my parents. If I had just casually told them a dark controlling hivemind stole her away using someone's body, I would have been dismissed because that goes against the rules of the game.

On that subject, I took time to consider a list of suspects last night as I tried going around town to places me and Ali hung out. It was not a very long one. Ben had Mark who might have been influenced by Chameleon to do something. The dead Mammoth appearing in a part of one of Ben's videos(in the chaos of getting kicked out I never got to review his latest upload before 5/14) suggests that his death was a hoax or that Chameleon revived his body for ADDICT to occupy. Lucinda, twisted as her intentions may be, is under Zanark's protection. But Madrik, well... could Jake be my prime suspect? It's ludacris but yes. Maybe.

As for my footwork, well, we had barely settled in so all of the places I checked yielded nothing. I tried the Google building she worked at(they assumed she quit), the liquor store where she bought alcohol(hadn't seen her since Jae sent her for bourbon last week), and even contacted a few mutual connections. One was her weed dealer who had not heard from her which he himself admitted was odd. I tried calling Rob but it went to voicemail every time so far. He had been distant since she left him; he probably wants nothing to do with either of us but it was worth a try. Hell, I even hit Frankie up. Ended up just fucking smoking weed with him all night and I'm just now getting back to my senses. I don't know what to do.

I'm useless. I mean I KNOW the info I need is on her laptop. I bet I could get some useful stuff if I checked into her messenger. But I'm just kind of scared to end up at the mercy of Chameleon again, to wander the hellish mindscape of incarnate illness. I have this picture in my head of Ali just turning into zeroes and ones and vanishing into her laptop, leaving behind the corruption and rot that Chameleon so enjoys. Honestly, I have failed to consider the possibility that Kendra herself is behind this. But that's because she saved my life and I just know she would never help Chameleon willingly. He can't touch her with that sword of hers. I watched the darkness run from it.

This is torturous. After everything I've gone through, after losing Casey and losing the bubble of normalcy I had leaned on for years to cope with Darek, I'm stuck watching a timer count down what will most likely be the end of my best last friend's life. And it's not fair and I wish I didn't care but I do because having spent time with Kendra in the Outer Layer I know she's more permanent than, say, the police or my own fucking parents. Maybe though, maybe I should try and just convince myself that everything will be okay. Don't even mention the fact that my future will be uncertain and this didn't happen in the last timeline. Just drink your beer and smoke your pot and tell yourself you don't care. You don't care. I don't care. I don't care.

I don't care.