#52: The White Mist

12/31/18

So, want to hear something funny? I read entry #14 and I realized I still had a job I had completely ignored for two weeks. I jumped in my car and raced to the mall already expecting the worst. I'll spare the intimate details of it. Just rest assured, I lost my job. Entry #14 came true. I guess missing two weeks of work with no notice has that effect. I didn't cry this time. Part of me doesn't really care about working anyway. It all feels so pointless. Even when I was with Ali and i worked that dead-end job at the gas station i just used my money to medicate my pain and keep a roof over my head. And I mean, if time can just finagle itself around whenever that doesn't seem like it matters in the long term.

There are still certain things I can prevent. I'm not going to confront Burge over those threats from last week. I don't think it will change much though. All that crap with Mammoth, maybe I can make it less likely to happen if I'm on my best behavior around him. I suspect that Darek would control my body to make certain events come true, so even if I tried my best, he would incite incidents similar to the entries. As for Ali, I just need to be sure to not push her away as well. The tricks pulled in entry #7 won't fool me twice. I know she's not going to die, even if my memories get mixed up, because she played a vital role in everything last time. It seems like the safest course of action might be to isolate myself completely. I won't butt heads with Mammoth, create drama for Casey, or cause harm to Ali if I just stay holed up in my room… I don't know for sure though. I think I'm just letting everything get to me. So maybe I'm a little depressed. It just seems like maybe if I don't play these games that's the best way to win...


??/??/??

Anna and I stared our at the lake for a good while in silence. I sensed a contentedness resonating from her that brought me peace as well. The gentle breeze rippled across the landscape and the sun tickled my skin gently.

“Anna?” I asked, breaking the silence.”This place is… is it responding directly to my emotions?”

Anna stared out at the waters for a moment before responding. “I can tell you what Alice told me when I asked about that years ago. Hopefully it will help. She said this place came from the bonds between us. She said it was born from the great love you and she shared and that it only evolved as you developed different fragments and formed relationships with them. Like me and Gwen.”

“So…” I said. “It's not just my emotions. It's all of our emotions?”

She nodded. “Sort of. It's our shared energies woven together, I think. It's not just you but it's how you feel about me and how Gwen feels about me… you know, the dark cloud only showed up after Alice died… I don't know why but… I always felt like I was responsible…”

“That cloud,” I said, “is like a gateway to a dark realm. That place is nothing to do with you or Alice in any form. I feel as if… it's Chameleon, isn't it?” I looked to her for confirmation.

Anna nodded. She watched me with empathic eyes. “I think… Chameleon always existed in another level, like some kind of deity or something outside the Outer Layer.” That triggered something in my memories, but Anna continued talking so I pushed it aside. “But when Alice died, it invited room for Chameleon's way of thinking. We always had Alice to ward off the idea that all things decay but when you find security in someone like that, their absence will do...irreversible damage. Because she was not immune to the death Chameleon represents, it gave him more credibility and thus made us susceptible to the creation of the dark cloud. When we permitted it subconsciously, that's when Chameleon gained power.”

I nodded. “Chameleon exists outside the Outer Layer. So he's deeper than you and Mark Graves and…” I wracked my brain, trying to recall the other question I wanted to ask. As it came to mind I felt a burst of warm air envelop my entire body.

“Darek.” I said. “You said Darek didn't live here last time. You said he came from somewhere else. I don't understand what you mean by that. Is he on the same level as Chameleon?” I could see Anna's eyes drifting into a distant state as she attempted to hide whatever she was feeling. The chill that gusted through the air gave away her frigid feelings for him though. “Anna, what do you know about Darek?”

“The dark cloud is the place Chameleon has control over.” Anna said. “But this realm we are in is the one Darek has control over.” She had a thousand-yard stare that stretched across the entire lake. “Mat, he was with you before Alice. He was the one who created this whole world. He created Alice. He created me. And when Alice, when she died he vanished and left me and Gwen here with the others, the bad ones. He's no good. He abandoned us. And he took you from us! He's always messing with your memories of us for no good reason!”

Tears were leaking down her cheeks by now and I reached my hand out to her tentatively. Suddenly, her arms were around my chest and her face was buried in my shoulder. After a moment of confusion washed over me, my arms wrapped around her and my hand ran itself soothingly along her back. The sound of intense wind in my ears persisted through this embrace, but an aura seemed to collate around the two of us where the air was serenely calm.

“It’s okay, Anna. We are going to be okay.” I said slowly and carefully. “Even though I may forget I always find my way back to you. Even when I don't know you I can feel you with me. You're a part of me. You're a part of who I am and I love you.” The change in the atmosphere at those words brought chills through my body. Anna pulled away and smiled up at me.

Then the pit dripped out of my stomach and the chills became a cloying cold hand inside my heart, exposing a vast hollow inside of me I had not known was still there. I didn't need to look up, but I did anyway. The clouds were sickeningly thick. They were darker than black and writhing as though they were living. They were living; the dark cloud had found me again.

“I don't understand.” I muttered. “Why does it keep finding me…?” There was no fight in me to flee. Staring up at it, being in its presence, I could feel it's departed call to my empty soul. The piece of me I had lost in its madness still remained vacant and glaringly vocal inside of me.

Anna tugged on my shoulder but I could not break my gaze from it. Slowly the tendrils of inky ether coalesced into a cone descending toward us, like a twister forming in slow motion. There was a frigid chill to the air now. Anna tugged on my arm more insistently. I broke my gaze and finally noticed the phenomenon occurring around me.

Mist had risen from the surface of the lake like something out of Silent Hill. Anna was on her feet and the mist seemed to be surrounding is as it poured out thick around the perimeter of the lake. She motioned with her head for me to follow her.

“Do you trust me?” She asked without looking away from the mist. I could swear in the center of the lake I saw a figure in a cloak standing atop The surface of the water. I didn't have time to stare intently though. I blinked against the chill and nodded.

“I do.”

“Good.” She stepped forward and fell into the water. Though she was on it's edge she simply dipped down and vanished as if she had stepped off a cliff edge. There was no resistance.

I looked up again to the dark cloud. It seemed to be struggling against the white mist just over my head, unable to penetrate it. I looked out to the center of the lake but the fog was too thick to see anything if it even had been there at all. Without any choice, I stepped over the surface of the misty lake and I fell.